Stephen Jacob Coffey, MA
~ Accepting new clients ~
Telephone: (415) 326-8414
Email: psychotherapywithsjc@gmail.com
Pronouns: he/him/his
Office Hours: Telehealth offered - video and phone
License: Registered Associate Marriage & Family Therapist, #AMFT120292
Supervisor: Rulik Perla, #43965
Fees: $200.00/50 minute session. Limited sliding-scale availability
AREAS OF CLINICAL WORK
Men who have experienced childhood sexual abuse
Adult children raised by Borderline and Narcissistic parents/caregivers
LGBTQIA identity and relationships
Teen angst
CLINICAL APPROACH
Because you are an individual with specific needs, I provide an Integral approach in service of you. This tailored approach may include yet not be limited to: Psychodynamic (looking at your past and how it influences your present), Relational (examining your relational patterns and interactions), Person-Centered (seeing you for who you are), Depth/Insight-Oriented (looking with curiosity at what is underneath symptoms), Dream Work (one avenue on unlocking the unconscious) and Gestalt (focusing on the here and now what is happening between us).
You have been through things that no kid is supposed to. You were robbed of your innocence, forced into a situation that you did not want. Someone who was supposed to take care of you, look out for your best interest and love you, ended up violating you in the worst way possible. You want to trust, though it feels like you are betraying yourself if you do. You believe with all your heart that if you just wish it away, it may have never happened. This ghost haunts you, no matter what you have tried before to get away from it. On top of that you have received the message that as a man, you are to be strong, silent, handle your own business and not show emotion.
You have persevered and carved a successful life out for yourself. Your life appears to be “great on paper”. You have traveled around the world, and yes, the complimentary upgrade cleared into Delta One to get you there. You have visited five of the seven continents (and counting), dined in many Michelin-star restaurants, and summered in the Hamptons. You have mastered the appearance of seeming independent. Creating the facade that you don’t need anyone and you have it all under control. No one would ever suspect just how much pain and suffering you are holding inside and you dare not let them see. Others describe you as outgoing, social, easy-going and fun to be around, though, there is more to you than meets the eye. Inside, you feel broken, empty and unloveable. You distract yourself by taking another solo vacation, binge-watching a new series on Paramount+ or working more hours at the satellite office, anything to keep your mind off of what is truly bothering you. Your mantra has been, “something isn’t right, I’ll figure it out later”. The relationships you have been in share the experience of “hitting a wall”. You get close, close enough to still feel human, though far enough to avoid having your “bad parts” seen. Your cards are never fully shown and kept close to your chest. Yet, you long for relationships that feel different. You daydream about the possibility where you are able to show up as yourself and not have to be on constant guard with others.
You notice that you have had this thought float around your mind once or twice in your life. You vacillate and rationalize whether or not something that happened so long ago would actually have the ability to impact your present life. Could it? No way! Well… Mayyyybe? Even thinking about this sends your circuits into alarm. You begin to notice that all too familiar discomfort showing up in your body: a tightening of the stomach, tingling sensations arise in your arms and legs, your pulse increases and you start feeling flushed. You stay composed, yet you want to run for the hills. It’s something that you’ve held inside for what feels like forever. Maybe you have tested the waters in sharing this secret before, though you have either “chickened out” because you thought you wouldn’t be believed or that you might be laughed at though or maybe no one was ever trustworthy to hear it? This is where I come in. You don’t have to do this alone! I am able to be here for you and with you, to deeply listen and to gently and patiently inquire with curiosity. You get to open up and be seen on your own terms and at your own pace. Why not move through the discomfort and head toward the life you truly desire to live where the inside feels great too? You deserve a space to be witnessed, seen, heard, taken in fully without judgment. How about handing over the metaphorical boulder that you have been carrying for what seems like an eternity and gain some relief?
I love working with men who have experienced childhood sexual abuse because they are resilient, resourceful, kind, empathetic, been through hell, are eager to face life head on and they value investing in themselves. Know that I get the agony, I have a place in my heart and a passion for working with those who experienced this type of abuse because I believe the innocence and vulnerability of childhood is to be protected and cherished and that you have the ability to take the steps to get support so that you can be in the driver’s seat of your life.
Call me for a free 20 minute consultation, I am ready to hear from you!